When we get taught about the “birds and bees” at school there is rarely any information when it comes to educating people about their fertility and actually how it all works “down there”. We get the human biology generalised talk, menstrual cycles are 28 days long, ovulation occurs on day 14, but this is simply not true for everyone!

We are all different, and so are our menstrual cycles. For example if you and your best friend both have 30 day cycles on average, it could be that she ovulates on day 12, but you ovulate on day 18 of your cycle. So, completely different, even though the cycle length is the same. So how are you to know when you ovulate and the most optimal fertile time for conception?

This is where the practice of Natural fertility or Natural fertility management can help you. Natural Fertility is a means of understanding and managing your fertility, in order to get pregnant or avoid a pregnancy. Natural fertility methods are chosen for a variety of reasons: to maximise your chances of getting pregnant, to understand your menstrual cycle and fertility better when planning for pregnancy, or as an alternative to other contraceptive methods for health or personal reasons.

Natural Fertility Practitioners can teach the Sympto-Thermal method (STM) of natural fertility management. Scientifically based, it is a proven, easy-to-learn means of taking control of your fertility.

Fertility Awareness

Fertility awareness is simply an understanding of your fertility and its relationship to your menstrual cycle. Fertility awareness can help you determine on which days you are fertile (where sexual intercourse can result in pregnancy) and on which days you are not. Learning fertility awareness is possible at any stage of your reproductive life and can be used by women with regular or irregular cycles.

The benefits of fertility awareness are many, but primarily:

•It increases your chances of conceiving each cycle

•It can help you assess your gynaecological and fertility health

•It is the basis for a highly effective method of drug-free contraception

Fertility awareness is based on the observation and recording of scientifically proven fertility signs that all women experience during their menstrual cycles.

The three primary fertility signs are:

Basal Body Temperature (BBT)
This is taken orally every morning as you wake, with a digital thermometer. (please note if you work shifts, we can identify another time for you to take your temperature)

Cervical Mucus
This is observed daily at the outside of the body.

Cervical position
This fertility indicator is an ‘optional extra’ which some women choose to monitor.

We can teach you how to observe, record and interpret these signs, so that you are able to Natural Fertility is empowering and puts YOU in control of your fertility.

Jo Hayes is the owner of Soul Fertility and is a Natural Fertility Practitioner. She teaches couples and individuals how to chart their menstrual cycles to either achieve or avoid a pregnancy, and Breastfeeding Mama’s on their return to fertility after childbirth. Jo is accredited to Natural Fertility New Zealand.

Jo is a Mum to one, 20 month old daughter and is working on building her family further.

www.soulfertility.co.nz
www.naturalfertility.co.nz

My name is Bernice, and I am one half of an infertile couple, and one third of a miracle making team.

5th Installment:

20 weeks…. Wahoo!!

The big countdown was on. The anatomy scan loomed large on the horizon and the anticipation of it was really quite delicious. Getting to catch up with Olivia AND seeing the baby, AND seeing that everything was alright, AND confirming the gender…. There was a lot to get excited about!

The baby name book got one last hammering and I even had it packed ready to take on the trip up from Wellington to Palmerston North with us… just in case there was a last minute scramble at the scan for a girls name… as we had already settled on a boys name. Mark blessed all the gods he could think of when I said, as we were pulling out of the drive way, “Oh bugger I’ve left the baby name book on the table”. Funnily enough he seemed to accelerate at that point with a grin on his face. I guess this whole name thing has been a bit of an obsession these past – um – well – years.

We met Olivia at the radiology place, and trooped into the room. After a quick explanation to the nice lady doing the scan as to who Mark and I are and what we were doing there taking up wall space (Must say Olivia is getting very good at explaining things hee hee) with a smile from the scan-lady, things got underway.

After much oooing and awwwwing (on my behalf that is) a few tears here and there (as usual – yes on my behalf too lol) Snowflake was deemed to be within ‘normal’ parameters. What more could we ask for!

We had all decided that finding out the gender was definitely on our ‘to do’ list. Snowflake decided to make the nice scan-lady work for it though, as she couldn’t quite get the right angle. After a bit of a wriggle, and a very purposefully danced jig by Olivia, we had another try……

Mark’s chest seemed to expand several inches! A very proud daddy moment! Of course I can’t say out loud (so I’ll just whisper it between you and me) but there were a few very big feelings going on for him. Another little girl would have been just perfect too, the love a father has for his little girl can not be measured…. And now for him to have the opportunity of experiencing that tremendous love for his son…. That is very special new territory.

There was a joined sigh of relief from the rest of the ‘team’ when Mark commented that the baby name book could now FINALLY be retired! For me… I felt that it was a job well done, and yes, I think I am ready to relinquish the well thumbed, creased, marked and drawn over book to rest….. (and I have to say, on reflection, when I look back over all the names I had marked at one point or another, thank goodness this baby wasn’t on the way any sooner or I shudder to think what the poor mite would have ended up being called! The phrase “what was I thinking” went around in my head as I read through some of my name picks!)

I just sat there blubbing and once again got poor Olivia in another of my ‘her lying on the table with me giving her a headlock hug’ expressions of emotion.

When we went to get the copies of the CD of the scan photos the lady at the reception commented on how happy we looked. Got it in one!

After lunch we had a nice little photo shoot to commemorate this big milestone. Some people have asked why we name the baby so early. Little Leo is such a real part of our everyday life, even though he isn’t in my tummy and we don’t have him here at home with us, we know that he is getting the best of care right where he is. Waiting for our son, Leonardo, connects us on such a deep level. Every day that passes, every week we get closer to meeting him in person just consolidates that.

Olivia is looking amazing! Each time we hang out together it just amazes me to see her belly grow and to imagine our little son tucked away in there, growing and waiting. Every night I say goodnight to him and Olivia.

Every night I send a mummy kiss to him, and the biggest hug I can possible fit on my facebook message page to the wonderful woman carrying him. I just have to say that the grace with which Olivia is going through this pregnancy is amazing. She shares everything with me and I couldn’t ask for more. I know that there are times when things are really uncomfortable for her.

All I can do is send a hug or some pampering and be here to listen, I can’t make it easier for her, as much as I wish I could. Olivia…. You are a star.

So now the baby-stuff-gathering begins in earnest…. No more mint green!

…. Now the real ‘low-down’ on how things are going from the woman doing all the hard yards xxx ….

Time seems to have slowed down for me. I’m glad to be at the half way point and really hoping it will speed up a bit now. Things are a bit uncomfortable with my carpal tunnel playing up every day now. I’m used to it now but it’s a nuisance that it has started much earlier in this pregnancy. I’m also finding it harder lugging my ever expanding belly around lol. It’s getting heavy! I’ll be waddling soon I reckon. Getting a good nights sleep is a bit of an issue too, so I’m pretty tired. Hopefully my new preggy pillow will help with that. I’ve gained 7kg so far, so I am noticing that extra weight, especially when I’m trying to get up off the couch or out of bed.

Apart from that, things are going really well. I’m feeling Leo moving around a lot more which is really cool, and reassuring that he is still growing away in there. I always message Bernice and tell her what her son has been up to each day. It’s great to be able to talk about him kicking and little things like how he and I enjoyed another cheese and onion sandwich (which is still my favourite thing!) or that he and I polished off another litre of milk – just can’t get enough.

I feel that I channel all his parents love to him from their messages etc, even though they can’t be right here with him. He still gets all that love from them; it’s a very special bond. I’m so very happy for them to be experiencing this pregnancy via me. Their excitement makes me excited….. especially at the scan. It was so great to see Bernice and Mark see their wee baby again on the screen, and of course excited that hopefully they would be able to find out the flavour.

It feels so much more real now that Bernice and Mark have named their son. I think it’s great for them to have that extra connection with him, and referring to him as Leo instead of Snowflake… well that’s pretty cool too.

I have been out and about wearing my “surrogate baby on board – due in August” t-shirt lately. It seems to get quite a response from people. I get lots of smiles and a few comments. A few people have stopped to say “I just have to say how lovely your t-shirt is” I love the attention I must admit, because it’s not everyday you see someone wearing a t-shirt like mine!

I find myself educating a lot of people about surrogacy in NZ. Most people have pre-conceived ideas of what its all about and often compare the situation to stuff they see or hear on TV about American commercial surrogacy (where the surrogate is paid to carry and deliver the baby) It is often a real surprise to people to hear how surrogacy here works, and that I am simply doing this because I want to, and I don’t get paid. Altruistic surrogacy is something that most people haven’t even considered. I love answering their questions and giving them an insight into the ‘surrogacy world’.

So from here at the half way point, I’m really looking forward to starting pregnancy yoga class and finishing work in 9 weeks. I think by then I will be more than ready to take a bit of a break and start getting ready for the big event. Hopefully we will have a due date somewhere around there too. Because it will be a caesarean birth there will be some decisions made by the obstetrician around that. Next event on our pregnancy calendar is the next midwife visit.

4th Installment:

16 weeks today.

That feels very significant!

Olivia had proper tickles last night! It was so exciting to hear that. Apparently Snowflake (our pet name for the baby as its last name is Snow) isn’t that impressed when she lies on her tummy.

This week is indeed very special. We have been matched for a year, and Snowflake is feeling more and more real each day.

It has also been a significant time for me emotionally.

Since we started our surrogacy journey in 2006 I have kept a journal. These books have been through thick and thin with me. In these pages I have faced lots of painful things, grieved for my lost fertility, grieved for my inability to have a baby that is genetically my husband’s and mine, grieved for my destroyed body and the scars that criss-cross it from all the surgeries.

I have faced up to what it is to be an infertile couple and dealt with the guilt of that.

I have delved into some very deep places within and taken the steps to really appreciate what parenting is…. and parenting is not about genetics…. its about the middle of the night wake ups, soothing an upset tummy, pooey nappies and ‘mothers medals’ down your back when the baby has spilled without you realising. Its about sitting up all night watching them breath when they are sick and celebrating all the firsts and all the lasts as they grow and evolve into amazing human beings, and know with every ounce of your being that your are theirs and they are yours.

These pages carry my excitement and anticipation and surreal feelings of being chosen to be someone’s IM (intended mother), that someone saw us as worthy of such an amazing gift.

I shared in these pages the raft of emotions I went through when another woman was carrying my husband’s baby… the sadness and the immense joy and how those two emotions can sit side by side. The heaviness of the guilt I felt at what someone else was going through on my behalf.

The tremendous grief of loss, of miscarriage, of the impact that had on all of us.

The stress and anxiety of walking through the unknown – surrogacy, adoption, birth families – and of coming to terms with the extra emotional noise that surrounds those experiences.

I have worked through how to have sadness and guilt sit on the same seat as immense gratitude as we journeyed with all the very special women that have helped us realise our dream of being parents together.

I have shared my private thoughts, the good, the bad, the ugly …. and the overwhelming amazement at becoming a mummy to such a precious little miracle with our daughter Ysabellah. I have expressed what it is to bond, to shut out the noise and to just find a way to ‘be’ in that space with my daughter and to grow together in a union of love, of family, of joy and of utter commitment.

The experience of working out how everyone fits together once the baby is born, of walking new paths and finding peace with things that are out of my control.

In that private place I was able to work through how I hoped our future would look and how I struggled with the need to put our hearts on our sleeves again in order for that to happen.

I worked through the process of having to humble ourselves again and ask for such a lot of help from others. And of how the presence of social workers, organisations, and dozens of people were part of our decision to want to have another baby, and how to process the judgements and opinions that came with that.

And these precious pages also hold our lines in the sand. The timelines we finally had to set down for ourselves where we would have to accept that the landscape in which we see our family would not change, and letting that be ok.

My writing of late has been of a very different tone. I found myself writing of the amazement, the joy, the excitement, the acceptance of what ever lay ahead for us. There were no more questions being asked as I wrote, and no more ponderings of the unknown.

Being chosen by Olivia changed our future. Having wee Snowflake on the way has healed and resolved so much for me and I have come to the huge realisation that after 6+ years of writing these particular journals, I have finally worked through the things that I needed to work through and I have arrived at the place I always hoped I would be.

Not just because our dreams have come true…. but because I have faced my demons. The grief, the guilt, and all the other sacks of sadness I was carrying are no longer a burden. They are simply a part of me, and have a place that has no more or less significance than any other aspect of me.

I have kept journals for the children always, from before they were born and will keep them going until they are 21. Nothing is lost or forgotten.

But the significance of this journal is that I no longer need my own processing space. I am there… my personal, emotional goal post.

I made my final entry in my surrogacy journals on the 27th Feb…. our 1st anniversary with Olivia and 16 years after the ache of wanting to have a baby began for me.

Today I am making the first entry in Snowflakes Journal, where I shall tell them all about their first flutters, Olivia’s strange eating habits, and how much we love them. No reservations, no guilt, no grief, no issues, just love for my little miracle and gratitude for this special woman making it happen.

3rd Installment:

It has been a fabulous couple of weeks. We had a scan last week…. That was not without its own degree of excitement! Part way through there was a power outage so Olivia and I got to have a second peek at baby when we had to go back a few hours later. Baby measured 13 weeks which confirmed the dates of the first scan.  A due date still has to be determined as by our dates the baby is measuring 2 weeks ahead, and with an elective c-section on the horizon… those 2 weeks could be quite important.

Still, that’s for the doctors to sort out… for now we are just delighted that baby is looking gorgeous and healthy.

What a buzz to see those tiny arms and legs waving about! Super huge mushy moments that’s for sure!

I didn’t envy Olivia at all with the pressure on her full bladder during the scan. I promised that I wouldn’t utter a word about waterfalls, rivers, dripping taps, torrential flooding or any other such water related topics till after the scan…. Doing my wee (pardon the pun) bit to be supportive lol.

Now that we are past that 12 weeks mark, my anxiety level has eased somewhat.  There is still that ‘hold my breath’ moment with each scan while I search for a heartbeat on the screen. And despite my anxiety… there it is each time, fluttering away saying “Hello Mummy, I’m here. I’m fine, now stop worrying!”

We left with a lovely selection of images on a disc and a printed one of Baby’s profile. I have it here by my computer and as each scan comes around, the image gets updated. So instead of gazing adoringly at this fuzzy little grey blob from the 7 week scan, I can now gaze adoringly at the cutest little button nose…. Albeit that it does require a bit of squinting and looking at it in just the right way to make that out.

For a bit of fun near the end of the scan, we got to have a quick wee peek between Baby’s legs. The lovely lady who did the scan was putting her 20c on a boy… so now we count down for the next 7 weeks to see if she was right.

When I came home and told Mark and showed him the pictures it really clicked for him that this baby is definitely on its way. Boy or girl, it really doesn’t matter….It just made it that little bit more real for us to have someone say… there is a ‘something’ in there lol.

During our wait for the second go at the scan Olivia and I did a bit of looking around for maternity clothes. That was really fun to do that together. She really is doing such an amazing job in caring for our little one, and we always have such a great time when we get to hang out together, so looking at preggy clothes is the icing on the cake… and having a bit of a giggle about things not quite fitting at this in between stage – own clothes too tight, maternity clothes too big.

I have been in the process of collecting baby stuff these past months. I had to admit to Olivia that I may have potentially overdone it on the mint green! “Hello, my name is Bernice, I am addicted to the trade-me baby section”

The deal is NO MORE MINT GREEN. It has become our inside joke now. And I admit, that I am actually totally over white, cream and mint green baby stuff.  Going to wait now until we know the flavour for sure….. maybe.

The great name debate continues in our house. I have been banned from the baby name book for a while. I am working through my different phases though. So far the Greek philosophers, ancient gods and goddesses, and a good portion of European aristocracy have been worked through. Artists and inventors are next…. Lol

I keep joking with Olivia that by the time Baby arrives and I have worked my way through my name-phases… it will end up with Jane or Bob.

Even though the baby isn’t here in the house with us physically, it is such a huge part of our daily lives. Daily contact with Olivia, catching up on her latest food fetish, and the daily bits and pieces that go with pregnancy mean such a lot. Saying goodnight to our little miracle each night on the computer and knowing that Olivia sends all of our love to our baby…. That is just magic.

…. and from Olivia….

This pregnancy is definitely different to when I had my daughter. Things seem to be happening a lot sooner. One of the down sides has been the carpal tunnel syndrome.  I didn’t have to deal with this until much later last time, but this time I am feeling it already. I know people did mention that everything happens quicker the second time around…. But now I guess I have a much clearer understanding of that lol.

I am slowly getting used to having to pee so often and the broken nights that come with that. I am not entirely sure, but I think I may be having early flutters. It seemed too early for that, but I guess with how everything else is going this time round, it could be possible. I messaged Bernice to tell her that either I was losing my mind, or I was having movement…. It was an exciting time… but the jury is still out as to whether I am actually losing my mind, or they are actually flutters!. Her reply was it’s either gas or flutters…. Will let you know.

Things are moving along though. The last scan – 13 weeks – was amazing. It was so cool to see the little arms and legs moving about. At one point the baby was sitting up or so it looked on the screen. I think the lady who did the scan was a little bit confused at first, as Bernice was the one making all the oo-ing and ah-ing noises, and I was the quiet one just lying on the bed getting my bladder compressed. In the end we explained that Bernice is the Mummy – thus all the Mummy noises – and I was the surrogate lol.

It feels like a great relief to be in the 2nd trimester now. It’s a great milestone and we are all enjoying it. I haven’t experienced a miscarriage before, but I know Bernice and Mark have, and I know that reaching that magic 12 week mark was really important to them.  Some of that nervousness rubbed off on me, so when we saw the baby in all ‘his’ glory, it was a big relief.

As each week passes my relationship with Bernice and Mark continues to grow which is really lovely. We get to share many special moments together… and that’s what it’s all about.

My tummy is definitely getting bigger now. I am at that awkward phase of not quite fitting in my clothes and not quite fitting maternity clothes. The hunt for perfect pregnancy pants continues!

When I had Tatum I had this really cool t-shirt that I wore and it said “Due in …..” because I got so fed up with people asking me when I was due…. Although it was printed in French so that got a few longer stares. I was talking with Bernice about it, so the ‘great t-shirt hunt’ began. We ended up getting a couple of maternity t-shirts printed up saying “surrogate baby on board – due in August”. That should answer most people’s questions lol

I admit that I am having a really fun time at the moment telling people that I am a surrogate. It does come with a bit of a ‘shock’ factor. They seem to be really surprised and say how brave I am. So far everyone I have shared it with has said that it isn’t something they could do, but generally the response has been positive and supportive of my decision to do this. It is nice to be reminded that surrogacy really is something special.

I had my first midwife appointment the other week and it went great. This time around I have a different midwife who I was really hoping to have. She had been away on maternity leave herself, so the timing worked out perfectly. She is very excited about my surrogacy journey. We had a huge chat about my medical history and previous pregnancy and also discussed what our plans are with this surrogacy pregnancy. Obviously with an elective c-section planned, a good deal of things will be out of our hands… like a due date! But having a really understanding midwife will make all the difference. She will have her hands full with me to look after and the baby and IP’s, but she is up to the task.

The logistics of giving birth etc are more complicated when having a baby for someone else, so it was just great to have a midwife that felt she could handle all of that.

Our next big milestone is the 20 weeks scan. I can’t wait to find out if the 13 weeks prediction of a boy was right. Not to much longer to go.

This pregnancy has been a very different experience for me in many ways. With my daughter, it was unplanned so I spent the first trimester in shock! I was living overseas in Switzerland at the time so the maternity care was very different also. This pregnancy was planned…. Very planned!…. and I am definitely in a different place emotionally because I know that this baby isn’t for me, this baby is for Bernice and Mark. This baby will go home with its parents, and not come home with me. That is a very different place to grow a
baby from.

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2nd Installment:

Like so many infertile couples, getting to this point has not been without its fair share of bumps along the road.

On a personal physical level, I had experienced 2 miscarriages myself and carried the emotional loss of those babies very deeply for many years. It is all too often we hear of beautiful women mentioning their angel babies, and all too often we see that certain look pass across their faces, a glimpse of the deep grief and longing that lives there.

Before we were blessed with Ysabellah, we were on another surrogacy journey with a special woman who wanted so much to help us. She also went through so much for us, enduring an early miscarriage, and then with our next try she endured extreme morning sickness, and then sadly another miscarriage at 12 weeks.

Watching someone else go through such a traumatic experience for you and because of you brings with it a unique set of emotions. Guilt became an almost constant companion for me and this was something that I was going to have to learn to conquer in the future.

Jo began spotting right on the day we turned 12 weeks so we raced in to have an urgent scan. This perfect little body was there on the screen, with perfect little arms and legs, the cutest little round head and body….. but the only thing missing was a heartbeat. The baby came away the next day and Jo was hospitalised for retained placenta. We brought the baby home, named her Yvette, and buried her in a special place. The weight of that guilt for what Jo had gone through weighed so heavily on us that we just couldn’t put her through that again. Deciding not to go ahead was the most difficult decision we have made on this journey thus far. We were all so devastated.

A surrogacy relationship is one of the most complex relationships a person can experience. And like any relationship, when it ends for what ever reason, it takes a lot of love and communication to work through that.

Mark and I had to decide at this point if we had the fortitude to put ourselves ‘out there’ again in the hope that another amazing woman might choose us to be her Intended Parents. We had been friends with Katherine since joining the online surrogacy community way back in 2006 and when she offered to take a journey with us it all just fell into place.

After our wedding in September 2007 we were away on our honeymoon in Taupo when the call came from Katherine that she was ovulating! So it was a quick trip home so the insems could take place and whallah…. Ysabellah ended up being our honeymoon baby… in a quirky way – Something to tell her when she is a bit older lol.

That too was a very traumatic and guilt laden experience, seeing my friend suffer so much with morning sickness and subsequent pregnancy woes, and then when it was time to bring Ysabellah home after spending a couple of weeks with Katherine and her family, it was a wrench. We keep close contact with Katherine and her family which is so important that our little girl grows up knowing where she has come from.

I have learnt so much about myself and about relationships during these years where surrogacy has been part of our lives. I have had to learn about guilt, what it is, why it is, and how to not let that overshadow what is such an amazing time in a persons life…. Creating a baby!

Even with the hoop jumping required by NZ law to adopt the children that are biologically Mark’s, dealing with Social Workers, and eventually the legal process of adoption, the complexity of the IP/surrogate relationship, the extended family that comes with the biological ties to the surrogates family, and the sadness that this precious child can not be carried within my own body…. What an amazing experience it is to be so blessed with our precious Ysabellah and to be even further blessed to be on this journey expecting this little miracle with a very special woman and friend.

.. Enter stage right…. Our beautiful Surro Angel…

Hi, I’m Olivia, the other third of this great baby making team. I am 33 and a single mother to my 3 year old daughter Tatum.

People ask what made me decide to become a surrogate. I had always thought about being an egg donor since my early 20’s, but it was important that I had my own family first. I have worked as a Nanny for the last 15 years and love the joy children bring into my life and can’t even imagine how hard it must be for someone who can’t have children.

I looked in egg donation after I had my daughter, but the fertility clinic didn’t recommend it because my medications for Crohn’s Disease would clash with the hormone medications needed to take for egg donation.
So that left me with the only option of being a Traditional Surrogate. I joined the nz-surrogacy site in December 2009 and once I got my head around all the info needed when considering being a Traditional Surrogate there was no stopping me!
I desperately wanted to help a lovely couple experience the joy of having a child or children.

My Mum is my main supporter and I just couldn’t do this without her. Also my best friend Rachael has been my rock and is behind me 100%

This journey started with my finding Bernice and Mark on the nz-surrogacy website. I started messaging Bernice to get to know her a bit more, many messages and phone calls later I knew they were the perfect IP’s for me. We just “clicked” and knowing that they had been through the surrogacy journey before made me feel at ease that they knew what they were doing and had the experience.

We have a great connection and great communication makes this possible. Bernice and Mark are very supportive and we are in touch every day. It’s so great being able to chat about anything and everything and have become close friends.

It can be really easy to put pressure on yourself when trying to get pregnant for someone else, but we all worked our way through that. The night that I ovulated I sent Bernice a message with a pxt of the positive Ovulation Predictor Kit test, because I wasn’t really sure if it was positive or not. Bernice got really excited and her and Mark jumped in the car to head up to me. It was already 10:30pm and we live a couple of hours apart, so it was pretty funny them pulling up at my place at 1 o’clock in the morning to drop off the sample! The 2 week wait seemed to take for EVER.
Testing day was supposed to be on Christmas day, but I did a sneaky test on the 20th. I didn’t believe it had actually happened at first, I took 4 home pregnancy tests just to make sure! We had our Big Fat Positive!

I was so excited to tell them they were pregnant! I sent them a pxt straight after the first positive test. Bernice phoned me straight away. She couldn’t say much, in between the tears and being speechless. It was pretty special.

I’m enjoying being pregnant now the morning sickness has finished. The first scan was really cool. Mark and Bernice were there and it felt so good to see the baby there with its little heartbeat. I felt like I was doing a really good job and loved seeing how it made them feel to see their baby on the screen.

The next big thing that I am focused on now is making sure I take good care of growing their baby for the next 9 months. I have very precious cargo onboard.

I enjoy telling people about our journey as a “team”, everyone is very interested and they ask lots of questions. And I’m proud to be a surrogate and spreading the word to educate people

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1st Installment:

How to have a baby, when you can’t have a baby

My name is Bernice, and I am one half of an infertile couple, and one third of a miracle making team.

I am 41 (if I whisper it, it doesn’t sound so bad), and have secondary infertility. I had the immense honour of bringing two amazing human beings into the world in my early 20’s, both are now flying the coop. Thank goodness I was an impatient young woman, because if I had waited to become a mother, I would never have had the personal experience of pregnancy and birth due to severe endometriosis with complications.

This condition was finally diagnosed when I turned 30 and after 6+ fairly major surgeries, a hysterectomy soon followed.

I had always felt that my family was not complete. I know I have been blessed more than many, but there is simply nothing that would take that feeling away that I was not finished with my parenting.

After a hysterectomy, and a divorce, you would think that I would have been able to overcome this deep feeling, this knowing that more children were to come. However that was not the case and somehow I just trusted that it would work out somehow.
Enter stage left my darling Husband. We fell in love, and it was a great sadness to me that I could never give him the gift of fatherhood…. At least that is what I thought until we discovered surrogacy.

I still had one ovary left, so there was a chance that my darling and I would still be able to have a much longed for child together. The older children were so supportive of this idea and so we got things underway. At that point we were looking at Gestational Surrogacy where my sister was going to carry our biological child.  Because of the complexity of surrogacy it is a lengthy process to have all the medical checks, then to go through the Ethics Committee for approval to proceed as well and having to go through the full adoption process with CYFs as the baby would need to be fully adopted by us, even though it would be biologically ours – go figure, but thems the breaks!

We were a good part of the way through this process when sadly my remaining ovary laid its last egg.  It was a devastating blow and there was a lot of grief around this. We would never be able to have our own biological child. For ever and a day my darling husband and Iwould never know what we could have made together.  At that point we became an infertile couple, which was an odd place to be – given that I had had children and he was very fertile, but that was that. Nothing to be done about it.

We took some time out to regroup and do some very deep soul searching about what parenting meant to us. It wasn’t about whose nose they had or whether the little mite had inherited Great Aunty Mabel’s weird shaped toes!  We soon came to the realisation that parenting for us was not about seeing ourselves inour baby’s face, it was about all the sleepless nights, nappies, feeding, the smiles, the milestones, the first time they say “mamma and dadda”. It was about making that lifelong commitment to this little scrap of humanity that no matter what, they were yours and youwere theirs. It was about that deep knowing that there was nothing you wouldn’t endure for them, and there was nothing you wouldn’t do for them to help them grow into the amazing human beings they had the potential to be.

And so we began the journey to parenthood via Traditional Surrogacy.

This differs from Gestational surrogacy in that the surrogate not only carries the baby, but she also donates her genetics. So the baby is biologically my husband’s and the surrogate’s, but most definitely my much longed for soul baby.
Usually at this point, people have two main questions on their minds. 1) how much do you pay them 2) do they have sex.
They are fair enough questions, and it does make me smile when I see people trying to work out tactful ways of asking…. Or not asking lol
Surrogacy in New Zealand is altruistic. This means that the surrogates do it simplybecause they wish to. It is illegal to pay for surrogacy or to offer any enticements, so the whole experience is very personal and built purely on the bond that is forged between the parents and the surrogate. It is a lifelong journey, especially in the case of Traditional Surrogacy where there is also the biological link with the surrogate.

The short answer to the other question is: no.

The baby is conceived by artificial insemination usually done privately at home where the father provides the sample in a syringe and the surrogate inseminates herself at the time of ovulation. It is, in fact, one of the most unromantic, non contact ways to make a baby lol.
That’s the boring ‘dry’ version just to provide some background. Obviously the actual process is usually surrounded by a lot more hilarity, some embarrassment, and a great deal of planning.  I will come back to this in future entries *wink*

Alongside this, the intended parents need to go through the process to become prospective adoptive parents as per CYFs rules, so a Social Worker becomes a feature in this complex relationship also.  That, in a nutshell, is how you make a baby when you can’t make a baby.

Our journey to parenthood together via surrogacy has brought us a beautiful little girl who was born in June 2008. We have ongoing close contact with Katherine (our surrogate for our daughter Ysabellah) and her family. It was always our hope that she would have a sibling to grow up with but it was going to take a bit more time, effort and juggling for that to happen. Katherine was heading off to do other things so we had somemore thinking to do about finishing our family. After chatting at length with Katherine about this we decided to go into the adoption pool but also to put our hand up within the online surrogacy community (www.nz-surrogacy.com) where we met Katherine and were active community members, to say that we would like to have another child. We knew that the chances of our being chosen by a prospective surrogate or birth mother were slim, given that we had already been so blessed, and so we started preparing ourselves for the fact that the landscape of our family may not change…. and tried to be settled with that.
After 20 years trying to complete my family against the odds, I was beginning to accept that perhaps I had been given more than my quota of miracles.

We set ourselves some mental and emotional time-lines. We said to ourselves that if we had not matched with a surrogate by March 2011 that we would close that door, and if we had not been chosen from the adoption pool by December 2011 then we would close that door and end the quest to have another child.

I can scarcely believe it, even now, but on February 27th 2011 we were chosen by the wonderful Olivia to be her Intended parents and to undertake a surrogacy journey with her. I still remember the moment we got the txt… and the relief, the hopes, the immense emotion that just spilled forth. We had been chosen. We had gone from absolutely 0% chance of having this much longed for baby to having 100% chance to try.

In December 2011 we received another mind-blowing txt…. We were pregnant!!!

The road to this miraculous BFP is a story in itself…… and one that Olivia and I are very much looking forward to sharing with you.

The Baby View Flying Tips:

Children under 2 will have to sit on your lap, this makes it really hard to pick up toys that are dropped so make sure you use a linky dinkee or a dummy doofah to help keep toys and drink bottles (with handles) from falling down.

Try to breast feed, bottle feed or use a dummy on take off and landing to help their little ears from getting blocked and sore with the change in air pressure.

Children over 2 will have their own seat, bring an activity pack for them to do such as colouring book, reading book, puzzle.

Bring snacks!  Air NZ will provide snacks/drinks whereas JetStar will not.  From our own experience if flying with children, Air NZ is the better option.

Bring the nappy bag on board with wipes, towel and a change of clothes.

Keep calm and don’t stress if your baby cries or makes noise, make use of the aisle and walk your baby to help settle.

The Baby View Car Travel Tips:

Allow for an extra hour or two to your travelling time.  Kids tend to need a rest every couple of hours on long trips to stretch their legs, toilet stops and just a run around.  We are lucky in New Zealand to have some amazing rest areas that are truly beautiful!

Bring lots of snacks.

Bring along some toys that are easy to play in the car such a doodle sketch or a I Spy bag or even play the old car games such as how many red cars can you see or count the number horses.

I have found babies tend to get a little upset on long trips, moving into the back seat to entertain them can help them out.

The Baby View Sleeping Away from Home Tips:

Bring their sleeping toys – this is a must!!

It can also help bringing along their blanket from their bed especially for young babies as they tend to be more settled if sleeping on their own bedding.

If your children normally sleeps in the cot at home but will be sleeping in a bed on holiday, try to get them use to sleeping in the bed before going away.

Do be prepared for a few unsettled nights while they get use to sleeping in a different place.

I hope these tips are useful and help make travelling with children seem a little less daunting.  The main thing is to don’t stress about it and talk it up with the older children and remember to bring their favourite/comfort toys so they don’t miss them!

Enjoy your holiday!

What annoys me the most is the ones doing all the complaining aren’t parents, whether they choose not to be parents or just haven’t reached that stage in life, they all think they can go around saying ‘your child misbehaves in public, so you’re a bad parent’ or ‘we chose not to have children so keep yours at home so we don’t have to see or hear them’ is just ridiculous, selfish and well pathetic!

Simple fact:  children are our future…without them, things will end.  If you don’t wish your blood line to continue, that’s fine but you have no right to comment or judge those who wish to carry on their blood line.

Simple fact:  children/babies have rights just as adults do and that includes being in public spaces, cafes, malls, parks etc.  If you don’t like it, leave.  Stop giving the parents a judgemental stare, stop bitching about how ‘misbehaved’ the kids are being – just pick up your stuff and go somewhere else.

If  kids misbehave, it isn’t always the parents fault, the child could have a social disability.  It doesn’t mean that parent is bad and lacks the parenting skills you think they should have.  Perhaps that mother and father are just trying to teach their child how to behave in public.  How else is a child meant to learn how to act in public places such as cafes, restaurants, shops if they aren’t actually taken to them?

As for telling parents to go to McDonalds?  Really?  Sorry mate, the health of my children is far more important than you having a ‘quiet coffee to relax’.

Next time you see a mother  on her own, looking frazzled and trying to keep her kids under control, how about you go up to her and see if she would like a hand.  Chances are if you offer to take the shopping bags or pram for a second while she sorts out the ‘naughty’ child, the temper tantrum will be over in seconds and peace is restored just like that!

Of course this is just the opinion of a mother of 3 kids, I welcome you to leave a comment with your thoughts.

Encourage your friends and family to come and vote by tagging @The Baby View on Facebook and linking to the website voting page, via email, via blog – the more votes the better!  At the end of each month the photo with the most votes (comments saying photo #) will be featured as our profile picture for the next month on Facebook!

Please make sure you have read and understood the Small Print.

Featured Fan Voting for June

Rachelle Leaf

I had my first baby at 16 yrs young. WE didn’t have midwives in 1989, nor did we have scans or any of the important info Mums have today. My pregnancy was horriffic, hospatalised 4-5 times with “dehydration” that is now known as Hyperemesis, I was told I was just soft! Morning sickness lasted right up until I had my bubs and it was NOT, as we all know, relegated to mornings. Also I had full on labour twice, once at 5 1/2 months and one at 7 months, both stopped with drugs.

I went to hospital at 10.30 pm one night for a check up at 34 weeks, as they knew me on a first name basis and I had called and said “I have a bulge”. Upon arrival they said, if your more than 4 cms dilated which is what you were the last time we saw you we will break your waters, I was 6 cms dialated and hadn’t felt a thing so my waters were broken and 1 hour and 15 mins later I had a baby girl. Halie is now 22 years old, a gem and a gift. We are often mistaken for sisters and that suits me just fine, plus I get to be the boss haha. She is a well rounded happy 22 year old and I’m very proud of her.

Fast forward to 2009, I’m 35, married and having my second baby and I thought, this will be a breeze, probably another quick relatively painless labour, no probs, so I worked right up to my due date, lived like I wasn’t pregnant and basically thought I had this baby making thing covered……. Oh how wrong I was. Had a beautiful pregnancy, got to 40 weeks and wondered where my baby was. Maddiosn was due on the 14th Dec and everyone was keen to have a baby to googaa over on Xmas day. Needless to say she didn’t come and didn’t come. I had been to my Naturopath (on my due date like it was some business decision that needed to be made ASAP) and got some cervix stimulant and proceeded to take the maximum dose for the next 13 days. The morning before I was due to be induced (27th Dec) I went into Labour, my contractions from the get go were intense, but worse my cervix was so over stimulated that I was in excruciating agony for the next 6 hours. I nearly divorced my Hubby on the car journey to the birthing centre as any little movement was horrendous and all he wanted to do was break the land speed record. I cried on the doorstep of the birthing center and refused to go in as I didn’t have shoes on and was still in my jammies?????? (clearly I expected to be able to blow dry my hair, apply makeup and water proof mascara so I looked gorgeous in the after birth photos), I was a mess and I don’t think I had even brushed my teeth. 4 hours into it and my midwife said, “you’re 4 cms dilated hun you’re doing well”, I thought she must have lost her mind and I got up off the bed and said through my tears to my best friend, “I’m not doing this any more you, me, vodka and shoe shopping NOW lets go” and then collapsed back on the bed. At that point I thought hmmm a centimeter per hour, I don’t have 6 more hours in me, so I asked to be taken to the hospital for an epidural (me who is earth mother and all)……. the anesthetist asked me to turn around on the bed to get in a good position I said, “I need to go to the toilet”, my midwife said “oh really let me check you first” and sure enough I was 10 centimeters and ready to push. So all in all a grueling painful 6 hour labour, my poor cervix, I swore I’d never take the stimulant pulsatilla again to try to force my body against it’s will.

2011 and I’m due to have my third baby, at home in a birthing pool and wiser from my last experience of not allowing my body and baby to do their thing. I learnt SO much, so I didn’t work right up to the very minute I was due, I walked, I slept a lot, I ate well, I took Effanatal, 5W and had pregnancy accupuncture.. all was good. I was due on the 13th and had a few niggles for about 6 hours on the 11th and thought nothing of it, went to bed and at 3.30am on the 12th I woke to a mighty BANG deep inside my body followed by a massive contraction. 5 contractions later and I woke hubby up and said, “time to fill the bath”. Left to my own devices while Hubby toiled with the bath and lighting a fire, I got my mind completely out of my own way, I did spirals and pretended I was skiing down a mountain side and Hubby applied acupressure when needed (the last hour). I hopped in and out of the bath and back in just in time to have my third baby girl at 5.30am, 2 hours of lovely, mostly painless labour. Our midwife hadn’t even arrived and Hubby and I were chuffed to have delivered our baby on our own. We hadn’t found out what sex she was when we had our 20 week scan so after about 10 mins we had a wee look.

I’m writing this as I want to share with anyone who may read, that having expectations in labour is futile, setting ones self up for how you think it will be only works if you are willing to remove your ego from the equation and get out of the way of your body and your baby and let them do their time honoured thing. Clearly deciding on what environment you want and who you have in attendance is part of conscious pre-organised choice, but in the nitty gritty of labour the best thing to do for yourself is to let go of your control over your life up to this point and ensure you remain relaxed and calm in the face of the most intense out of control moments you will ever experience in your life.
Loving relaxed labour doesn’t hurt, it’s not pain like breaking your leg or cutting yourself, your body supports you (in natural labour) with oxytocin, endorphins and adrenaline and in my experience if you allow things to progress as they should, you get hits of these natural highs exactly as and when you need them. Also, what I did during my third labour that I SWEAR helped the progress of it beyond anything else that I did, was I didn’t clench my fists or jaw….”they” say (the elders) that a clenched jaw and clenched fists = a clenched cervix, which is anti of what you want to happen. My third labour empowered me as a woman and I’ll cherish those moments forever, the difference was that I did not try to control every single aspect of my every single second and I welcomed the intense feeling of being totally in touch and yet out of control of what was happening with my body.

Interestingly enough, Maddison (3 1/2) is a calm child, and my beautiful home birth water baby, Sophie (18 months) is raucous and a thousand miles an hour…. hmmmmmm

And lastly, to those women who have had traumatic birth experiences, I think you are all amazing, courageous and strong true women, much much braver than I. Take the time to heal yourselves and allow the memories to become a gentle wave of recollection, talk talk talk it through. If you don’t find sympathetic ears, keep searching for someone who will listen and understand and allow you to release the cell memory of your labour. If it takes a year so what, keep talking it through. Understand also that our foremothers did all of this with no power, no options, no birthing centres or hospitals… and yet we are here…….TRUST YOUR BODIES, if you listen they will guide you… and HOORAY for hospitals when we do truly need them and they save babies and mothers when once they would have been lost.

Julia Read - Jade and Ruby’s Birth Story

From the minute I found out we were expecting twins, I had my heart set on a caesarean section. I didn’t want to have to push two babies out, and my obstetrician agreed to schedule a caesarean for 37 weeks. At 36 weeks I started getting a migraine one night the week before I was booked in, they had me monitored for preeclampsia over the weekend but everything settled and I went home. When I went to see my OBGYN a few days before the scheduled date, she did an ultrasound and found that Twin 1 was head down and in a good position for a vaginal delivery. Twin 2 was transverse, but she managed to convince me that having had two vaginal births previously, I should try to deliver the twins that way. She did a stretch and sweep and told me that I was already 2-3cm dilated and did I want her to break my waters! I wasn’t prepared for any of this so I said no, and she said to go home she didn’t think labour wouldn’t be too far off.

Two days later, I started getting symptoms of preeclampsia again so my midwife sent me to the hospital for monitoring. They checked my blood pressure, and we discussed the possibility of having my waters broken to kick things off but there weren’t enough people to staff a natural twin birth so they just kept monitoring me. While at the hospital, I started getting some strange tightenings lasting up to 6 mins in length 20mins apart roughly and mainly when I was walking, they weren’t too painful but they were a bit uncomfortable. The doctor decided to admit me overnight, and see how things were going in the morning.  During the night I had some pethidine as I was exhausted, but too uncomfortable to sleep. By early morning the contractions had died down, and by the time the doctors made their morning rounds they had stopped completely.

We agreed that the best plan of action was to break my waters, but the hospital was so busy that they didn’t have a space in the delivery unit until the next day, so I spent another 24 hours in hospital feeling pretty miserable and frustrated.

My waters were broken at 9am the following day, and the obstetrician started an oxytocin drip to help get the contractions going. Once they started, the contractions were like clockwork, and got stronger and closer together very quickly! With a twin delivery they do the epidural straight away incase of the babies getting stuck and needing manipulation to get them out epidural, so the anaesthetist was called, but the first attempt to insert it didn’t work as the needle wasn’t long enough. I had to stay perfectly still while a midwife ran to theatre to get a longer needle as someone had forgotten to re-stock the delivery unit! Thankfully my mum was there to support me as Gavin doesn’t do needles.

Almost as soon as the epidural was done, I started feeling the urge to push, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I got to meet my babies! 10 minutes and a few pushes later, Ruby was out at 12.12pm. My midwife caught her, and she was perfect!

Once Ruby was born, a whole heap of people (9!)  suddenly descended on the room and the next thing I knew, I was in stirrups – woah, talk about doing the spread-eagle!

Then everything stopped.

After 20 minutes passed with no contractions, the senior registrar said that she thought Twin 2 had turned from transverse to breech. They turned up the oxytocin, but still nothing happened

All of a sudden, I felt an involuntary urge to push, even though I wasn’t having any contractions, so I started pushing and out came Ruby’s placenta. This is where things started getting a bit hairy – immediately after Ruby’s placenta came out, Twin 2’s placenta followed. I had no idea what was going on, or how much danger my baby was in.

The registrar put her hand up inside me to try and get Twin 2 out, but she was up so high that it took two midwives to hold her straight while the registrar tried to reach her. By this stage, two minutes had passed since the delivery of the placentas, and although I didn’t know it, time was running out for my precious baby. When the placenta detaches like hers did, it takes only 4 minutes for death to occur.

She was actually folded in half inside me, with her feet facing my spine, so the first attempt to get her out failed as she started to come out sideways. The registrar pushed her back up, and managed to find one leg, and under supervision from the obstetrician, she started to pull. Theatre was called and were expecting me to be rushed there- although it wouldn’t have been in time to save my baby.

Ruby’s sister, baby Jade emerged in the splits at 12.42pm, one leg at a time, and her arms took some manipulating to get out. Finally, her head was out and I let go of the gas and started to down off the pain my body had just been subject to. It was just over three hours since they broke my waters!

Fortunately I didn’t need any stitches, but poor Jade was in a very bad way. Two minutes passed and she still hadn’t let out a cry. I had been using the gas while all of this was going on, so I was quite out of it. I looked at the registrar standing in front of me and said “ High Five! You look like you need a hug!” , I was so pleased it was all over and my babies were out!  I don’t think I realised how serious the situation was until I turned to my right and saw Gavin sitting bawling his eyes out with Ruby in his arms, the registrar with blood dripping down her arm, and in the corner, a team of paediatricians working furiously on Jade. The silence was deafening.

When Jade finally let out a tiny cry, they brought her over to me so I could see her. She was white as a sheet, and I only got to see her for a few moments before she was whisked off to SCBU.

Later that night, we sat down to talk to a midwife at the hospital I was friends with, and she told us how lucky Jade was not to have any brain damage. In fact, we’d made hospital history – they’d never had a complete placental abruption there before. But it wasn’t over yet, Jade was in an incubator as she was unable to hold her body temperature, she was on an IV drip to keep her hydrated, and her blood was thin as a result of the traumatic birth so they were unsure whether she’d need a transfusion.

Luckily, our little girl is a real wee fighter, and less than 24 hours after she was born, we were able to start giving her small feeds, and a few hours after that, she was able to come back to the ward to be with Ruby and I.

The registrar who delivered the babies came and saw us a few days later and explain what had happened and that she was in a bit of shock after our delivery and felt she had ot come and see us to let us know what had actually happened- this was something we really appreciated as Gavin was suffering post traumatic stress from what he had sat and witnessed.

We made it home a few days later, but the bumpy ride wasn’t over yet. Both babies had quite bad jaundice so we had to wake them up to feed. Ruby dropped more weight than expected and then Jade stopped breathing and had to be rushed to hospital twice. It turned out that on top of everything else, she had reflux and it was causing her to hold her breath when she vomited. She came home on an apnoea monitor, and we also decided to put Ruby on a monitor just in case.

The girls are now three months old, and they are still suffering with reflux and weve had horrendous feeding issues with them but they are finally on medication for the reflux. Its been a rough three months for us all but to look at them, you’d never know they had such a rough start to life. They much loved by their big brother and sister and we think theyre pretty damn special too! My Miswife has been amazing and  we have had a huge amount of support from the Hastings hospital and the staff that work there- for that we thanks them from the bottom of our hearts!

We took Ruby to see Jade in SCBU

Amie Thompson

So we were going off 2 dates the 7th of May 2009 and the 9th of May 2009 our little prince came on the 8th of May 2009. I woke up at around 5am the thursday morning not feeling the best, went to the toilet and low and behold i was losing my mucus plug!! YAY i though something is finally happening, as i had no braxton hicks during my pregnancy so i was wondering when things would start.

So went back to bed only to have to get back up not long after contractions started not anything painful just really annoying coming around 8-10 mins apart and lasting around 20 or so seconds. I actually had to run to the loo to vomit as i had  been having morning sickness again for the last week or so. I told my partner to keep his phone on him at all times at work as i was starting labour he was excited but very doubtful anything would happen that day. So through out the day contractions were on and off i tried to sleep as much as i could, we went shopping that night still contractions all over the place but getting a little stronger.

Everything had seemed to die off by the time we went to bed but i was that excited and scared that i couldnt sleep, well the contractions started again in around 12 am and coming every 5 mins and beginning to become very painful i got in the shower and sat in there for a while. Around 3am i was in tears and told my fiance to call the midwife and let her know that we were in labour and what we should do. She told me to keep having showers and take some panadol and try to sleep PANADOL  i though what is panadol going to do!!!! I was up and down the rest of the night and in and out of the shower. The contractions were still not regular some coming every 5 mins for an hour then only 7-8 mins in a hour then nothing for maybe half and hour this lasted all day until around 3pm where i just could not take it any more i told my fiance to call the midwife and tell her i wanted to come in to get checked to see how far i was, well by the time we got to the hospital the contractions had slowed down again but each one was still every painful, she checked me and she was very surprised i was 4 cms YAY!!!!! all that pain was getting me somewhere!!! So she did a membrane sweep while she was there, ( very uncomfortable ) and my mucus plug was still coming out in parts.

Because we live so close to the hospital she said i could either go for a walk around the hospital or go home until my waters broke or it was too painful because all the birth suits were being used. We went home and by the time we got home boy was i in pain!!! We went right back contractions were constant now and extremely painful the car drive back and walking into the hospital was horrible i cried walking into the hospital. We had to wait in the waiting room as there was still no rooms it was 6pm. By the time we got a room i was very uncomfortable and could not sit still. The midwife told us to buzz if we needed anything. A little while later i told her id like to try the gas. Well that was a waste of time because all it did was spin me out and make me feel drunk! So in the shower we went and thats where i stayed almost the whole 4 hrs we were at the hospital. By the time i was around 8 cms i was buggered i was groaning with every contraction around 2 mins apart and lasting a round a minute. We got out of the shower the student midwife offered the birthing stool at first i said yes, then i looked at it and told her to take it away lol. Well by this time i was in transition and i lost it i was screaming the amount of pressure on my butt made it feel like i was going to tear in half!!! I was convinced i was going to die!!! I told the student midwife i need to push can i push?? She told me yes then the other midwife tells me no, i lost it again i was so confused as i was getting told so many different things. I passed out a few times as well. I tried the heat pack on my back and screamed at them no take it off, dont touch me, cut me open ive had enough i dont think i can get this baby out!!!!! Then pop my waters break all over the floor and oh boy those contractions were PAINFUL!!!!  i was fighting the pain and the whole process which was why i was in so much pain i was terrified i was begging for drugs and they told me no its too late your baby is going to be here soon i kept saying i want my mum ive had enough. ( she lives 6 hrs away )

By this point i was laid on my back on the bed screaming at every contraction and they tell me to stop screaming and i was like ok im done fighting im going to push ( mind u they never checked to see if i was 10 cms ) but i just knew it was time i wasnt sure if i was doing it right but i was i had my fiance holding one leg and midwife on the other 20 mins of pushing a second degree tear later ( i didnt know i had even tore untill they told me i needed stitches! ) and my baby boy entered the world at 10:15pm 4 hrs and 15 mins after we got to the hospital. Instant relief once that baby was out. The rest is a blur i didnt even ask what sex the baby was for like 10 mins lol. So 35 mins after my waters broke it was all over and done with. I was so in love! And i was so embarrassed i said sorry to the midwives and the Dr as i was getting stitched up. They were like we see it every day no problem. Seth was a healthy 8 pound 4 oz ( 3750 grms ) and 51 cms long. There is alot more to my story but you will be here forever reading it lol. I look back now and if i had of just breathed through my contractions and not have been so scared the experience would have been so much less painful and peaceful. Im more prepared this time and im hoping there will be no screaming or panic this time round. Oh and i told my mum she is having holidays and she will be at my birth. My fiance was amazing through the whole thing and i could not have done it with out him. I look at it now and im so glad i did it drug free ( besides the gas ) and im hoping for another natural drug free birth with this one.

Sally Herder

People may read our story and think there is nothing good about it but we feel very differently. Whilst there is bad, we feel more good.  After 5 yrs of trying to no avail we finally fell pregnant through IVF.  But at 28 weeks our baby stopped moving and was told your baby has no heartbeat. We were devastated as you can imagine.

Within hours, at 2.20pm, my Dr was inserting 2 x Mifegyne tablets to induce labour. Within a half an hour I was feeling period type pains. I wasn’t sure what they were as this was our first pregnancy. Well they were the start of contractions. The Dr informed us that I will need atleast 5 lots of tablets before bubby will be born.

By 8.30pm I was still only feeling period type pain. Nothing I couldn’t cope with so they inserted another 2 tablets which really kick started me to dilate. By about 9.30pm I was actually feeling some pain so they gave me pethadine which helped. Every couple of hours I was given pain relief until about 1am I wanted to push. By 1.55am our beautiful little girl Jast was born weighing 900g and measuring 36cm. Yes she was born sleeping but that didn’t stop us from cuddling her and fussing over her.

So my labour was not as physically difficult as it was emotionally.  Yes it has been hard but Jast is still our little girl and we love her very much and miss her to bits.  We are now 30 weeks pregnant and very nervous and excited all at once.

Tracey Fulcher

After 5 yrs of trying 2 misscarriges and 1 ectopic here we are. My birth story starts on the 25th of november 2009 i was going to my antinatal check up being 6 days over due and my baby was not moving as much so was sent up to delivery to be checked out by the doc. The Doc came in spoke to my partner and i and said she was going to book for me to be induced on the following wednesday so out she went and when she came back she told me i was not going any where i would be induced in the morning so they sent me to the ward and my partner home.

@6th november 2009 4:30 am my partner rings me to see when he could return to the hospital and he was told 7am he arrived and then at 8:30 my midwife did an internal to check if anything had happened and found i was 3cm dilated but i hadnt had any pain or my waters hadnt broken so 9:30 am she broke my waters and then it started no time for drugs as contractions were here on top of each other and at 12:17 my little boy was bornbut had to be taken to the nursery as he had the cord around his neck two times and was purple so 10hrs later got to have him back with me and have been happy ever since.

Ready for another little bubba know so we are trying.

Tanya Douglas

I have 2 birth stories.

With baby number 1 I ended up in hospital at abour 28 weeks with pre eclampsia, ended up being induced at 32 weeks. Induced at 9am, 1pm, 4pm. at 2.15am my waters broke and I ended up with an epidural, midwfe was monitoring closely as they were worried that baby would become distressed. Ended up with a forcep delivery at 2.30pm.

Baby #2 decided i wanted things to be different. At 40 + 4days MW said i would probably need to be induced on the following tuesday. 2 days before i was supposed to be induced I woke up @ 6.30am in labour with my contractions being 15-20 minutes apart. by 7.30am I was in the bath. Got to hospital at 9.35am and 7cm & at 9.58am our gorgeous daughter was born. I definately enjoyed it second time around, i got to experience a ‘real birth’ IYGWIM? and was home by 2.45pm :)

Janelle Baine

When my midwife ordered me an additional scan at 28 weeks, I was comforted by the fact that my midwife was taking extra precautions because my baby was measuring small for my dates. The day before this I was in tears because my doctor called and told me that there was protein in my urine sample.

The next morning I had a phone call from my midwife she asked me to get up to the hospital immediately as there were some concerns. This is not what I wanted nor expected to hear. Once we were there I was told that I had pre-eclampsia and given steroids because my baby would be coming early and these steroids would mature his lungs and make it easier for him to breath. Here I was thinking I had three months to go! Because of my severity and the fact that I was only 28 weeks pregnant we were taken to Waikato Hospital. I stayed there for one night, and because there was no room, we were taken to Auckland City Hospital.

Our son Lucas was delivered by emergency C-section at 28 weeks and weighed just 1000grams or 2lbs 2oz and was 35.7cm long. His head was only the size of a tennis ball he was tiny. When he arrived he was whipped away to NICU and I didn’t see him until the next day. On day 5 we got to hold him for the first time, I would express breast milk for him to be fed through a tube, when he was first born he only needed two mils per every two hours.

After a week in Auckland we were taken to Waikato again where we stayed about 30 days, and then back to Rotorua where we stayed about another 2 weeks. Finally on October the 12th he can home, we were so over the moon to just have him home after spending so long in hospital.

I was so alone and scared through my journey, I was away from my home town away from my family and in fear of my baby’s life at times, because of my experience I have started up a organization “Early Buds” to give comfort to other parents going through the same thing, we supply prem packs to parents currently in NICU or SCBU filled with sponsored products for prems and their parents.

Click here to visit Earlybubs website

Meagan Alison

Hi, my name is Meagan Alison, this is my birth story…

I had an amazing pregnancy, everything went perfectly except for morning sickness in the begining, i started showing at 12weeks, and grew quite big and always looked alot bigger then anyone else due the same time. In the last few weeks of my pregnancy, everyone who didnt know, assumed i was having twins..
my due date came around and still nothing.. which we found odd, seeing as the midwives/doctors thought i would go early if anything!

I ended up going over 2weeks, and only went into labour because i was induced, i went into the hospital on a tuesday afternoon and had gell rubbed on my cervix to try and soften it up and bring on labour. Nothing had happened by morning and i was taken to the birthing suite at 7am to have my waters broken. a few minutes after my waters were broken, my babies heart rate started to disapeer, within seconds there went from being 3 midwives/doctors in the room to being roughly 20 or so..
i was about to get wheeled out to have an emergency c-section when bubba’s heart magicly came back up!! i was closly monited from then on.

I had a drip in, so my contractions were pretty full on from the start. i had a little wire screwed into the top of my babies head which monitors there heart rate, was painful to be inserted. it wasnt reading very clearly and they decided to remove it and try a new one. Was terribly painful for me as i hadnt dialated at all.  They got the new one on, and it read exactly the same as the old one..=( so went through all that for nothing.

The pain started getting a bit much for me, so i attempted gas, it made me throw up i only had it on for a few seconds. I continued to throw up through out the labour my guess is from all the medicine going threw my body.  I got a shot of morphine in the top of my thigh which was amazing!  u still felt the pain but it made u relax and feel tired.. very hard to explain. I also found sitting in the hot shower with my patner rubbing my back helped alot!!

By around 3pm i was checked to see how far i was dialated.. turns out i was only 2-3 cms.

I had a few midwives come in and strongly suggested that i should have an epidural to relax me and hopefully that would make me dilate.  I had a surgeon come in explain everything to me, as i really was hopping not to have one. Then i decided to have one cause he said if i dont show any sign of dialating soon, i will have to have a c-section, so i agreed.  The anesthetic felt like a massive bee sting and the whole presigure was uncomftable and felt like it took forever!
after a few minutes after it was all done they checked to see if i was numb yet,with an ice cube.  The epidural did absoulutly nothing!!! My contractions were getting alot stronger too.

They decided to give the epidural another try… and the second one only numbed my legs!!!!! so i now couldnt move around, and felt every strong conactions i got!!  At around 6pm i was checked again,(my partner insisted, as they were going to try yet another epidural!!) I was still only 2-3cms and was infromed i was going to have to have a c-section.

I was a mixture of scared but relieved that we were finally going to be parents!  As i got my spinal block, my partner was not allowed in the room, but was present for the rest of it.  It took forever for the spinal block tobe done, and once it was u shake unbelievlbly alot! from all the medicine.

My partner and i were talking when out of nowhere, i felt tugging!! i didnt even no they had started! my partner had a few looks through out n updated me.. i waited intensly to hear anything!! and then there was a little cry ..=) biggest sign of relief!!  They brought bubba around for us to discover what the sex was..A BABY BOY!!

They then did the quick checks on him,and my partner got to cut a bit of the cord, and was brought back over for me to hold, he instantly started to suck on my cheeks =)

He was a perfectly healthy baby who jut didnt want to come out! He was 54cm long, head circumfance 37cm, 9.4pounds! and was brought into this world at 8.15pm on the 25/1/11..was a long tirering day!  The worse part of this whole experience,was when both my newbon and partner had to go back up to the birthing suite todo the full check on bubba and weigh and measure him. while i got stictched up and waited in recovery..

I was released out ofthe hospital at 5pm on the thursday felt amazing! a little sore where i was cut, and in my back from all the needles.. i had alot of bruising.

We named him Malekai Kealen.

Claire Bettesworth

My ‘due date’ came and went, I felt like a little girl waiting for Christmas. Finally, 13 days past when I was due, Oliver was born. Here is his birth story..

I had been experiencing pre-labour warm-ups (Braxton Hicks) for several days, I knew that this was my body warming up for the birth and this gave me a sense of confidence that my body knew exactly what to do to let my baby out. On this particular night, I went to bed feeling just the same as I did any other night. However at 2am I awoke with a strong tightening in my pelvic and abdominal area, which was much stronger than I had been previously experiencing. To be honest I didn’t really believe at first that I was in labour so I just put my breathing and relaxation techniques to practice as I had been doing during the pre-labour warm-ups. After about an hour of these tighenings I realised that this must be it, so I woke Jeremy up. We thought that we better time them and to my delight they were coming at fairly regular intervals, this was definitely it! I continued to go within my birthing body and handed the process over to my body and baby. The only thing I consciously thought about was remaining deeply relaxed and breathing. I was aware of everything that was going on and I felt very in touch with my body, I loved feeling my baby kicking around between surges. We called the midwife and made the trip into Birthcare so we could beat the rush hour traffic. I thought that I actually still had a long time to go and wondered if we would even be sent home, as the surges were so easy to manage and I was actually quite enjoying them. I listened to Jeremy’s recording of the Rainbow Relaxation on my iPod on the way there and made sure my body stayed loose and limp. I was amazed by how easy the surges were to breath through during our trip in the car, as it certainly wasn’t that easy making the transition in the car during the birth of my first baby. At 7am we arrived at Birthcare and walked into the birthing room I felt very emotional and wanted to cry, tears rolled down my cheeks, but I reminded myself to remain relaxed. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to cry at the time, but in hindsight I realise it was because Oliver was not far away. I got in the pool and continued to relax, breathing deeply through each surge. Jeremy was right by my side, to totally support me every step of the way, and helping me go deeper into relaxation, I felt so safe and loved. The surges were very strong and powerful, however I took complete trust in my body and just let it do what it needed to do. After only being in the pool for about 45 minutes Oliver was born at 8am. He had the cord wrapped tightly around his body and his neck twice. Our midwife was amazing and moved quickly to untangle it. She said that if it wasn’t such a fast birth then things would have gone quite differently as Oliver would have become very distressed. I am so grateful that I was so relaxed and able to allow Oliver to descend as quickly as he needed to. Thanks to a drug free birth, I was able to enjoy being fully alert and clear headed, able to walk and move around easily. I believe that the time spent doing massage was well worth it, as my perineum remained intact. After the birth I did not need any pain meds, as I was able to continue to put the HypnoBirthing tools to practice.

As soon as Oliver was born, the tight bond and love that Jeremy and I built with him throughout my pregnancy, by doing various HypnoBirthing exercises, was very present and it grows stronger every day. Oliver’s birth was everything I visualised and imagined. It couldn’t have been more perfect. I am left with amazing memories and feelings of elation and joy whenever I think about it.

Oliver is so chilled out, he feeds and sleeps very well and from very early on we got the most beautiful smiles, which continue to get bigger and brighter everyday. For me, the adjustment to life with a toddler and newborn has been so much easier than I anticipated and I find myself able to remain calm when things are all go. HypnoBirthing has given me confidence in the power of my mind. I now feel like I can achieve anything that I desire!

Claire is so passionate about HypnoBirthing that she now teaches this philosophy to parents in Auckland. If you wish to see this birth, it is on You Tube here.

Written by Jocelyn Brewer from Mamamore Maternity

First… I’ve always been “big”. Second… maybe I always will be. Third… I’ve pretty much accepted it.  We knew (or rather my husband was told) that we were going to start a family as soon as we were married, so we were over the moon to be pregnant four months later.

I thought “wonderful… I can eat what I want and I won’t need to hold in my tummy”.  I was blessed to have a very easy pregnancy… a little morning sickness in the first 12 weeks andannoying heartburn towards the end. Unfortunately I soon found out that the hardest part of mypregnancy was finding maternity clothes that fit me.  While my size 10 co-worker had a cute wee bump by 12 weeks, mine was barely noticeable at 20weeks. My tummy was firm, but it hadn’t really “grown”… I just looked like I’d eaten all the mince pies.

Eventually my normal clothes became too uncomfortable, so rather excitedly off to the maternityshops I went. I really can’t tell you how much of a fraud I felt walking into a maternity shop withouta noticeable bump. In fact, I wasn’t surprised that the staff didn’t offer their help. After the fourthshop didn’t stock maternity wear in my size I was detecting a pattern, and getting right tetchy aboutit. I went home empty handed.

Miss size 10 suggested buying normal clothes in larger sizes. Tip: telling an already large girl to “justbuy bigger sizes” is not clever! Then there’s the cost of getting the sleeves and hems adjusted(another bug bear of mine). The other suggestion was to wear hubby’s clothes… umm no thankyou. We’re talking about a typical Kiwi bloke who wears jeans and t-shirts, year round. Plus he’sa big bloke. My other problem was that I worked in a corporate office so I needed smart clothes. Icouldn’t get away with sweat pants and oversize shirts.

I was starting to wonder if I’d ever find clothes to fit. I decided to bite the bullet and visited oneof the “fancy” maternity shops, thinking they might have a better size selection. Oh dear… I waswrong. I could just get the largest sized jeans and trousers on, but they were so tight I was walkinglike I’d just dismounted a horse. I was convinced they were designed by someone who wasn’t awarethat most women have THIGHS! Of course their tops didn’t fit either (broad Kiwi shoulders andchunky upper arms thank you very much). I did spot a skirt in a garish print that had good stretch soI grabbed it, but after wearing it for a day I realised a plus size girl should probably stick to over thebelly clothes. Great… my choices were officially down to zero.
I thought “I’m too fat to be pregnant”. Was that the day I cried? I can’t remember.

Online now seemed my only hope. Once again… disappointment. When I finally did find my size itwasn’t actually anything I could bring myself to wear. Why couldn’t plus size be stylish? After all, I’dbeen told that maternity wear had moved on from ugly tent tops, moo-moo dresses and trackies?If it had moved on, it hadn’t moved on much for us plus size girls. I looked at overseas sites butthe exchange rate, shipping costs and not being able to easily exchange items shoo-ed me away. Imanaged to find some jeans, black pants, some skirts and empire tops from a well known auctionsite and pretty much lived in them. Ironically most of the items were from overseas brands. I madedo with what I had and accepted that I wouldn’t be wearing my “normal” tops after the baby arrivedas they had been stretched beyond their limits.  That was my first experience with maternity clothes.

My second experience was much the same, except I was no longer working in an office so I wasable to spend most days in jeans and t-shirts. Soon enough I needed to replace my jeans, sooptimistically I went back to the maternity shops. Maybe things had changed in two years andbigger sizes were now available?

The usual suspects still didn’t have jeans that fit, so I decided to try the expensive store again. Whiletrying on a pair of the biggest sized jeans, I noticed the side seams had both popped (obviously Iwasn’t the only big girl desperately looking for jeans). I went to a chain store nearly every week forthree months hoping to find a pair of over-belly jeans without success. Most of that pregnancy wasspent in two pairs of black trousers.

Who decided that pregnant women only want to wear black? Why during one of the happiest timesin my life did I have to look like I was going to a funeral? Do they think women are embarrassed bytheir baby bumps and want to hide their gorgeous new shape beneath slimming black?

Anyway, that was my search for plus size maternity clothes. I’m sure many of you have had similar experiences.  After my daughter was born I decided to do something about the lack of choice, so MamaMoreMaternity was launched in August 2010. We stock clothing up to size 28 and will soon be addingnew plus size labels to our range.

Visit Mamamore Maternity

My names Sarah I’m a young mum with one 3 year old boy from a previous relationship, i met my partner in December of 09 and where due to be married this weekend (April 2011)

1st Trimester:

We found out I was pregnant with number 2 on the 15th of November, worked in well at the time became a good birthday present for my partner. Then our next challenge was to try and find a midwife once it had been confirmed to find out exactly how far along we are. So we took a drive to try and find a midwife which didn’t get us anywhere so we came home and i started going through the yellow pages trying to find a midwife.

After an hour i’d rung nearly 20 different midwifes and still not getting anywhere and i was just sitting there randomly flicking through the online yellow pages and on 1 of the pages was 1 number for a midwife specializing in home births and water births and i thought to myself well this sounds like me, gave her a ring and was the 1st midwife i rung that i actually got somewhere with and she had a slot free to see me the following week so we could try and find out how far along i actually was.

2 blood tests later was finally confirmed that i was only 4 weeks along and i was due roughly around the 17th of July and here i was thinking i was closer to 3 months, by 8 weeks i was still feeling not to bad but come 9 weeks the constant nausea kicked in and i could only eat certain foods. So then for the next 6 weeks my diet was made up solely of mince n cheese pies and cheese burgers not top of my diet but it was all i could stomach without being sick and then a friend of mine told me to try natropharm morning med which became my life saver and i could start eating a bit more normal foods which was a huge relief for me and at 12 weeks we had our first scan to see how our baby was doing.

I missed out on the first scan with my son so was exciting to have the 12 week scan done and that came back fine our little 1 was measuring 4.5cms at 12 weeks and i was thinking yay a little baby.

2nd Trimester:

At 13 weeks i still had my friend morning sickness but thankfully i hadn’t actually vomited yet, the only good thing that came of it was because i was all ready on the big side i managed to lose 20 kgs and get me back down to a normal weight range which was great but even though id lost weight i was having huge issues with getting my clothes to fit.

So off to the shop i went to by the pregnancy belt extender that goes on your pants which was good gave me a bit of extra time to find clothes but thankfully it was summer so i just lived in my tights and tunics which was good. But i was noticing that i had know where near as much energy as i did with my son and i was all ready looking at having to stop working as i was doing in home child care.  I was struggling to keep up with my children and my morning sickness was still making it hard for me to do much and now at 16 weeks i was most definitely starting to show and trying to get comfortable at night was not the easiest thing. And it didn’t help that it was very hot so we always had the fan going at night to try and keep me cool.

At 19 weeks the morning sickness finally left and in return i had really bad indigestion and heart burn so it was back to watching what i could and couldn’t eat.

At 20 weeks 3 days, we got to have our scan to see how baby was doing and came back saying that she was the length of nearly 21 weeks so id gone from having a short baby to having a long baby which id sort or figured out. As of 16 weeks i was starting to feel the odd kick and because the placenta was over my tummy i wouldn’t feel the kicks as strongly as i normally and then they had to try and figure out what we where having and our little 1 seemed determined not to let us find out but after awhile, bubs let us know and it was a girl which we are all so excited about.

At 21 weeks my partners mum was given the hugest and i mean hugest pile of girls clothes to give us so Ive been spending my days going through all her clothes and i’m now at 23/24 weeks and not feeling too badly. My backs giving me a lot of problems but i’m thinking thats because i’m carrying at my front and i’m feeling a bit top heavy but i’m loving the kicks i get from our little girl.

I can tell that she must have long legs because her kicks feel like they have a lot of power behind them and i’m lucky i have my partner at home to help me with our son because its very hard for me to get down to the ground, i celebrated my 24 birthday last weekend and my mum bought me lots of maternity clothes which was awesome and my partners mum bought me a pair of maternity jeans and it feels amazing to be wearing jeans again for the 1st time in like 3 months as for the last 3 weeks id been living in my track pants as I’ve had nothing else that fitted me and with the mornings being a bit colder i needed long pants.

Week 25/26

Hey guys,

Well its been another week, another week closer to the when we finally get to met our little girl, its been a rather busy week for us.

Last saturday the 2nd of April me and my partner got married in a small backyard wedding at my mums house with our closest family members there and it was so wonderful getting to marry my amazing partner, we had my son in a tshirt made from onsie bumsies and he looked so smart in his shirt with his tie sewn on it and then that night our son 3 years crashed out at 5:30pm and we thought yay we get a night of peace but no by 9pm he was awake so it was a long night trying to get him back to sleep.

Sunday night was a repeat of Saturday unfortunately so as you can imagine being nearly 6 months preg I’m feeling the effects of sleep deprivation.

Monday was a fairly quite day, though i could start feeling a winter chill coming on so it was time to grab out a few xtra layers of clothes and start uping my vitamin c levels which wasnt hard as we have a huge abudance of feijoas, still suffering from lack of sleep i think our lil 1s feeling a bit squashed when mummy sits down coz as soon as i hope into bed at the end of the night our lil girl wakes up and starts bouncing off her walls so as you coud imagine and i love feeling her kicks but at 10pm when i want sleep i dont enjoy them as much as i do during the day so by the time i do manage to get to sleep after getting up which feels like 50 times to go to the bathroom its close to 1am by the time i fall off to sleep.

Tuesday was another eventful day we ended up spending half our arvo in A&E with our son as he was refusing to use his arm even tho he hadnt done anything unusual to it so a few xrays and other tests later came back saying there was nothing wrong so wasnt a happy camper when i heard that so back off home we go and then the next day (wednesday) it was my husbands turn to be in hospital and as we dont really have anyone to help with our son we had to drag our son up to the hospital with us so 4 hours later with 1 very grumpy child we finaly left, with not really having any answers of why my husband was in so much pain lol, so overall this week, ive been so busy ive hardly had time to think too much bout being pregnat but i can say that my friend heartburn and idegestion are still well n truly present and im start to feel very huge even tho ive only gained 2cms around my tummy lol, we got the last 2 things for babys cot that we needed so i attempted to make that and it wasnt as easy as i thought it would be made me wonder how i manged to make my sons cot and he was in a portacot, making a beds defintly so much easier, still feeling snuffly and ick but know where near as bad as i was on monday.

Week 27

Well another week down, another week closer to the due date. We’ve been having a good think about our birth options and right from the start I was dead set on a having a home birth but since making that decsion we’ve come to realise that in our little house a home birth just woudnt work and trying to fit 5 people plus a a birthing pool into a little lounge isnt a thought that works, so we’ve decided that where going to go with the option of a birthing centre which in the long run probly is a much better idea. Its been good because this week I’ve actually been feeling really good, just a bit of heart burn and my energy levels have actually started to return which im loving and I’ve started really enjoying walking again, saw our midwife yesterday and she said that our little girls still got plenty of room in her little home. Been sorting through everything to work out what we need and what don’t need and discovered that we have lots of old sheets that can made into cot sheets and burp cloths, so thats 1 less cost to worry about and we discovered we had heaps and heaps of cot blankets which was awesome. We’ve been feeling lots and lots of movements which i love, our 1st still hasnt regestired that hes going to be a big brother yet so i think someones going to get a big shock when July comes. Not too much to write about for this week its been a pretty boring week for us which is a nice change.

Week 28

Well another week down, another week closer to our due date, I’m so looking forward to my due date, unlike with my son im over being pregnat, this 1s been making its presence well know since i was about 6 weeks pregnat so you can’t blame me for wanting it to be over, was reading on the treasures site that baby weighs about as much as a bag of sugar and i was thinking to myself well that explains why i feel so heavy all the time. We’ve finally settled on a name for our little girl and the name we choose was Bella-rose nice and simple with a beautiful meaning. i feel rather pleased my sons old highchair which was an expensive 1 from farmers scrubbed up really well and i found an old baby bag which i put through the wash and that came up brand new. Finally settled on our birth plan was orginaly going to have a home birth but since making that decsion we’ve realised that our place is just not suitable as we have a bit of moisture problems with our house so we’ve decided that a birthing centres probaly a better idea as i really don’t want to go near a hospital and at least my hubby gets to stay with me at the birthing centre. nothing to exciting to write about for this week, just been a normal week. Still got my heatburn but shes let up her control over what i can and can’t eat so I’ve been enjoying eating a wider range of food, which has been so good.

Week 29

Well its been another week, been suffering from really bad heartburn this week and unfortunately nothing works to get rid of the heart burn. We have a huge apple tree in our backyard so we decided to stew up a big pile of apples for once bella-rose is on solids must of taken us like 3 hours to peel, chop and cook all the apples but at least we have a nice big stock pile of stewed apples for bubs. Though I’m feeling a bit sore in my lower back from having to stand for so long, my hubby informed me that when i fall asleep at night that bubs gets super active and hes been able to feel some decent kicks from her. I have my blood work to be done next week which I’m not looking forward to as I’m not a big fan of having my blood taken. Had to have that done heaps back at the start to figure out exactly how far along i am and sometimes i do wonder if I’m a month further along then what my dates say. I just feel like im further along then the 29 weeks i am but that could be because unlike with my son this pregnacy hasnt been fun and I am really looking forward to my due date. So glad i only have 2 more months to get through before the countdown begins, ummmm nothing to exciting to write about this week, if it was a blog about parenting toddlers I’d have a lot to write about lol.

Week 30

Well another week down, we where just talking about how my due date is so close. I’m expected on the 25th but because my son was early I’m expected as early as the 15th of july, so not long to go at all.

As Bella puts on more weight I’m definitely noticing that my back is getting alot worse and I’ve been craving fruit big time but i cant eat much fruit because it makes me feel rather unwell which suxs. This one seems only interested in 1 thing and thats junk food which is driving me a bit barmy. Only get my heart burn or indegestion now when i eat something that Bella doesnt agree with so thats a good thing.

Every time our oldest crys Bella starts kicking me really hard its rather funny when you feel how hard shes kicking me.

Went to check out the birthing centre that i plan on giving birth at and i couldnt get over how flash the place was so looking forward to giving birth there so much nicer then a hospital. Nothing too exciting happening yet but at 30 weeks i woudnt expect there to be lol. Still suffering from lack of sleep but thats because Mr 3 is still refusing to sleep through the night.

We actually managed to find bubs feet on a few occasions now as shes had them pushed into the bottom of my ribcage so that was a exciting moment but other then that i think thats all i have to write on for this week.

Week 31

Well its been a very full on week. On Saturday we thought our little girl had decided that she wanted to come early, so I went up to the hospital in lots of pain imagining the worst as you do.

5 hours later and lots and lots of tests later we where told that i was fine and that i could go home. She was measured and was 30 cms and when i checked on the weeks once i got home that was the size of a 33 week so im a tad confused about how far along i am.

Did my dates get mixed up or something and im due sooner then everyone thinks coz its not like me and my partner are tall people both of us are classed as being short and when i saw my midwife on tuesday she said bubs was just right and still had plenty of room in there, so im feeling a tad confused.

I mean i loved it alot if my dates were wrong and i was actually due 17th of june instead of 17th of july i know that mistakes get made all the time and this could be 1 of those times lol looking forward to my due date whenever that may be as our little girls been lying in my left side all pregnacy and im starting to get very sore not to mention the brusied feeling i have just under my ribcage from where theres a foot or a knee firmly implated.

We now officaly have everything for bubs we just had to get nappys and dummys just incase we need them so now its all a matter of waiting, i have also attached a photo so everyone can see my bump lol

Week 32

Well what a full on week this has been after being in hospital last weekend my pains never really went away and pretty much stayed with me for the whole week.  Well on tuesday i felt like i was going into labour and it got so bad that i coudnt walk or even talk so i rung my midwife who told me to go up to the hospital as it sounded like i was going into labour and of course when i got told that i started to painic and stress more which just made things worse.  Off to the hospital i went again. I got hooked up to all the mointers and bubs movements and her heart rate where all over the place, so after doing bloods and everything else they kept me in over night and in the morning i was told all my tests where fine and that more then likely i have an irratable uterus which basicly means my uterus is contracting more then it should and sometimes it does mean that you will go into labour early.

Which didnt ease my mind in the slightest and over course by the morning i was exhausted becuase by the time id stop contracting it’d been happening for about 12 hours and if know ones had it before the best example is that you feel like you’ve been constantly having to do contractions or if youve had kids before then you constantly have that urge to push that doesnt go away.

So I’m now home and resting my midwife told me to take flaxseed oil or fish oil i opted for the flaxseed as i new that woudnt repeat on me anywhere near as much.  I do hope they work coz at this stage my bodys not settling down and even standings causing them to come back which is a bit annoying, so at this stage im just taking it slow and hoping i dont fo into labour early.

Week 33

Well its been another long week no more vists to the hospital so far. Having to adjust to my uterus constantly contracting has been very hard to get used to.

I’m pleased that I dont have long to go coz the pain from this is defintly unbearable, tho some days are better then others but more often then not. Nothing too exciting happening as i can’t exactly do much it takes me nearly 10 mins just to walk to the toilet. So im not to keen to get up and go walking but im taken up doing puzzles again to take my mind off everything, which is working well. Well most days it works lol

Got my midwife coming next week which im very much looking forward too. Our little girl has her foot or her knee pushed up into my ribcage most days and i wake up in the morning with my ribs feeling very brusied and ill try n get her to move but all i get back is a good sharp kick and i can feel her trying to turn around but i don’t think it works out too well for her lol.

Week 34

well its been another long week, the level of pain im in has defintly gone up a degree or 6 lol its got to the point now that on top of the irratable uterus im getting really bad strecthing pains so evertime i move i get real sever pain through my hips and as long as I dont move im fine but once i move, i think i move at the speed of a dying tortise lol and now to add to things im not sleeping well at night cos i can’t find a postion to lie in that doesnt hurt which suxs but so glad that i dont have much longer to go, have to look into finding myself a new hobby to do to take my mind off everything but not sure what to do, I’ve done all the puzzles i had and that didnt last long but i discovered the other day that my sons bed gets sun in the arvo so ive taken to lying on his bed in the afternoon and ive even managed to continue reading my book i started at xmas “mums raising sons”by nigel latta its a very very good book by the way lol, with any luck by next week i might have something a bit more exciting to write about, im new to writing a blog lol

Week 35

well I’m so glad where pretty much into the final month of this pregnacy because im getting over all the hospital trips, i ended up back in hospital last friday from unbearable pain and lets just say i doubt ill be going back up to the hosptial anytime soon because it seemed like that because i didnt want to take anything for the pain as i dont want to take the risks of anything happening to bubs, that i got forgotten about which really annoyed me and after a few hours of being left by myself they reckon this time that bubs has been squashing one of my nerves and thats whats causing all the pain, sent me home with codeine and told me to rest which ive been doing since 20 weeks because ive been hurting so much, its starting to feel like they have no idea whats wrong with me and they just find something to match my symptoms and send me on my way it reminds me alot of the month i found out i was expecting my son, so as you can tell i dont have much faith in the hospital system, hence why i did want a home birth but our house just isnt set up for that so i went with the next best option of a birth centre, so since friday ive just been plodding along slowly and counting down the days till the end of june.

Week 36

Well I’m finally into the last stages of this pregnacy, can’t belive how good that feels to say lol its been another long week but this whole pregnacy been full on what with everything going on with my son, his biological dad and the problems I’ve had with this pregnacy, anyways as I said its been a full on week what with all the appoitments I’ve had with my son but that in itself is another story I’d be more then happy to share with everyone over dealing and coping with, reflux, colic, excema and speech and language problems, so I’m defintly feeling exhausted from everything going on but for a change it feels really good to have been so active even though at the end of the day I’m so super sore and can barely move I do enjoy getting out there and getting active, insommnias been slowly creeping up on me in the last few weeks and I’ve gone from being able to crash out at 9pm to not being able to crash out till 2am or there abouts but suprising enough the lack of sleep isnt actually getting to me yet lol. The one thing I can’t get over in this pregnacy is how much our little girl is all ready a daddys girl, she stays on the side of me thats next to him and if he changes sides she does and without fail as soon as she feels his touch she starts kicking and getting super active, I find this so amazing and very cute that shes this attached to her daddy all ready and shes not even born yet

Week 37

Well we’ve had another exciting week, on Sunday I started to have regular contractions about every 5 mins apart and at the time i wasnt worried because thats all that was going on but come wednesday I started losing my mucus plug and then the contractions started getting alot more intense so i rung up my midwife and she told me to go up to the hospital straight away as it looked like labour was most defintly starting but after checking me over i wasnt dilating but my cervix was defintly getting soft so they kept me in over night just to mointer me and sent me home the next morning and on friday morning my midwife came just see how i was doing and when she checked to see where bubs was she said thats defintly locked in place and very low down, so it means i am in labour but when shes going to be born is a whole nother story it could all be over in a few days but it coud still take another few weeks for things to actually progress but itd be nice to think that things would progress fast and our little girl would arrive soon because it would be so amazing to met her, so stay tuned by next week we may have a new adition to our family

Week 37 – Confirmed

well after my last stay in hospital last wednesday and being told my cervix was very soft and with the pains I was having I was pretty certain labour wasn’t too far off and on Monday i started getting super intense pains that felt a lot like contractions and they where very regular every minute lasting for a good 30secs or so and i just thought well for now ill see how they go as i didnt fancy going up to the hospital again and seeing as my midwife was still on holiday i figured it could wait a few more days so by wednesday i was in agnoy i coudnt sleep and i could barley eat and i was sitting on the couch thinking of giving my midwife a ring when i felt a huge pop at first my husband thought id farted but i then realised that my waters had broke or so i thought anyway so i contacted my midwife and she came around for a while and at about midnight she checked me and i was soft and had dilated a little bit so she left us to get some sleep, so i hoped into bed hoping that things would pick up and by the morning id be delivering our little girl but but 6am thursday morning everything had stoped again which was just great so i got up and started moving on the off chance thatd get things going again and it did, later on we arranged to met my midwife up at the hospital to see what was going on by the time i got up to the hospital which is a mission as there is never any parking for miles, they hook me up to the machine to see how our little girls doing and as always shes very very happy and not phased at all by anything going so they unhook me from that after they see that shes perfectly happy the doctor then comes in I coudnt understand a word he said as he was indian and they wanted to spread me to see if my waters had broken didnt enjoy that very much as he was very rough and im still very sore now, he coudnt find any pooling of amniotic fluid and i wasnt dilated so of course by now im super confused wondering what on earth it was that id felt the night before had a quick scan to check that she still had plenty of water and of course she did so i got told that my waters hadnt broken so my question is what did i feel the previous night then? Told me to go home and try and get some rest which with the level of pain im in is virtualy impossible and to arrange to have a growth scan done as soon as possible, so Im now back home with no baby and feeling like i wasted a whole day of my time for nothing pretty much though im pretty certain about what i felt but nothing i can do about it lol so now its just a matter of waiting, itd be cool to hear from other mums that have been in this boat before as im feeling very confused and disheartened right about now and of course they reckon im only 36+2 when i thought i was closer to 38 weeks *sigh* dont like doctors much as you can tell ;’(

Week 38

Well I can officaly say that this is my last blog, after our last close call i had preparerd myself for a long wait till our lil girl was born, the weekend had been slow with no change in how I was feeling and on tuesday when we went out I was feeling very sore and then had a feeling like my waters had broken but I wasnt going to get my hopes up just yet, so we got home and I made myself a rashpberry leaf tea as itd been helping me wonderfully and carried on the day, I even managed to get outside and kick a ball around with my son for a little bit and by the evening i was getting regualr contractions every 5 mins but i wasnt going to get my hopes up just yet but by 3am I was in excuriating pain and coudnt take it anymore so i rung my midwife and she came around and checked me out and I was defintly in labour 6cms dilated to be exact and at 12:25pm our little girl was born.

Congrats to Sarah and her family!!

About Sally:

I’m a Mum with 3 kids aged 7,5 and 2.

What is Newbies?

Newbies was created after I saw a gap in the NZ market.  I decided to make the first baby log for NZ Mum’s and it’s something I’m incredibly proud of.  This innovation has helped to forge the spirit of Newbies, we want to be leaders not followers.

What was the inspiration for starting Newbies?

It came out of need.  I was frustrated that no one else had created a good enough baby log so I decided to make my own.  It was really important that it included everything I felt a new Mum would need.

How long have you been in business for?

Since 2007.

What does the future hold for yourself and Newbies?

I’m passionate about design and creating new and unique products.  I love the freedom that Newbies offers me and I’m focusing on developing the brand to encompass that spirit.

What is your secret to working from home with kids?

I don’t have one, it’s always pretty crazy around here!  I suppose the secret is to embrace crazy and hope that sanity will pay you a visit from time to time.

What advice do you have for our pregnant and new mums?

This is your time with your baby, try to enjoy the moment because it doesn’t last long.  Don’t let other people tell you what to do and how to do it.  Trust your instincts, ask for help when you need it and take everything with a grain of salt.

Favourite Quote:

There are so many!  This is one of the best:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom - Anais Nin

Final Words of Wisdom:

Enjoy being a Mum!  You’re doing the most important job in the world and often the most important things are the hardest to do but they are also the most rewarding.