Toddlers

Two to three years

Between two and three children begin to see themselves as separate and independent individuals. They’re starting to understand ownership and will use words like “mine”. They’re more aware of, and interested in, other children but learning how to play takes lots of practice. Increased physical skills see them enjoying and sometimes insisting on doing many things for themselves. Crying, whining, hitting and even biting is still common as they learn to deal with their feelings and frustrations.

You can:

• always give them lots of praise
• take them places where other young children are
• give one instruction at a time – not a list
• give clear directions and be specific about the behaviour you like
• give them little jobs to do
• try to set a good example – your children copy what you do
• for important things, set clear limits and stick to them
• explain why you don’t like something they are doing.

“Talk lots – praise their talking.”

Three to four years

Between three and four children are more able to recognise and express different emotions. They may feel pride, guilt or embarrassment. They’re getting better at sharing and co-operating and even though they can see another’s point of view problems can still arise if it conflicts with their own wants. They like to laugh, play silly games and enjoy pretend play. They like to practice their new skills like climbing, throwing and bike riding. They’ll ask lots of questions and tell stories, some with a mix of the real and unreal. Although they feel secure with rules and routines, they’ll still test the limits that are set.

You can:

• thank and praise them when they respond to your requests
• use lots of phrases like “let’s” or “how about we”
• be flexible when things aren’t important
• if they say “no” change the subject or distract
• behave as you would like your children to behave – they’ll copy what you do
• stick to limits and rules
• try bargaining: “When you pick up your toys we’ll go to the park” (avoid ‘treat’ food as a reward – your time and attention is much healthier)
• have calm-down times when there’s trouble. Take your child to a safe quiet area, explain why they are there and that they can come back when they are ready to do what you have asked them to do. This should only be for two or three minutes.

“Say yes as much as possible.”

“Pick your battles.”

Four to five years

You can:

• be clear about what is expected of them
• give lots of praise when they try hard
• have rules and limits (not lots) and stick to them
• encourage your child to try lots of different things
• give them chores to do so they can show how capable they are
• be calm when you do have to discipline them
• support and encourage them to work out solutions to problems
• reassure them if they are scared or frightened – remember how you feel when you’re scared.

“Try to say lots more positive than negative things.”